how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
