it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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