Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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