I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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