can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
