I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
