Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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