I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
