If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we're making bets on your personal life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
