don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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