Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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