oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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