Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
