dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
