im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize