i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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