I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
