Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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