Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
