you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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