I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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