Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
