I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
