I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
