Small penises have feelings too.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
