You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
