butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
