i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
