Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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