Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize