It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
