You just made me feel so damn special
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
