Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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