Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
