I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize