i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so let's talk penis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
