i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
