wakey wakey hands off snakey
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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