This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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