Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize