Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
