if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
