Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's always time for handjobs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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