it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
