dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
