ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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