Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
