sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
