hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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