is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize