We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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