Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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