wakey wakey hands off snakey
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
