Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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