Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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