I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
