dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
