She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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