i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
