dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize