There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
