Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
