Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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