So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
