Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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