I heard we made out
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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