I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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