I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
