yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
