my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her vagine was all disorganized.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
