Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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