I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
