Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
