can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's always time for handjobs
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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