I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
