at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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