Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Still dying that you shit outside
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
