Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
