you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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