I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
