get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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