I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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