I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
