I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
