you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
