i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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