"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
