She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
